I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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