so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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