I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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