I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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