afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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