Small penises have feelings too.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
