he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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