; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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