He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He passed out mid-signature
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
