i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
