I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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