i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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