I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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