it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I don't deserve a penis
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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