Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
