I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
