yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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