i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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