hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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