FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
