Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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