That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
