Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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