So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
