wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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