He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
