Acid is not a monday night drug
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
