I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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