Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
