The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
