1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
