It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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