Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
