Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
