You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hotel room ftw
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
