Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My cat gives me a boner
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Randomize
