no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
