I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
