I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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