Don't make out with my wife yet
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
