eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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