It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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