Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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