I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
