I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
