I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
