You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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