When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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