haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
