I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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