she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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