What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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