More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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